Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The big "D" word!

So, happy one year anniversary to me being single...

I will not go into any detail about my marriage or divorce but I would love to address what divorce is like being a young, Mormon, Mommy.

I am sure anyone who has gone through divorce can tell you it's a living hell. If you have experienced a death close to you and gone through a divorce you will know this is a very similar feeling, with one very big difference... support.

I am lucky! I have an amazing family and group of friends who were with me 110% of the way, but it doesn't mean you still don't hear people asking questions about you, what happened, getting those comments such as, "are you sure you did everything?" So divorce is like death because you are morning the loss of a life you had, but without the support of everyone around you. I didn't receive any casseroles, funeral potatoes or orange rolls, but I learned how truly blessed I am to have such good people in my life.

On the flip side, I learned who I did not want in my life anymore. You find out who really cares about you and who turns their back on you. There were not too many people that did that to me, but a very close friend did, which was almost equally as devastating to me.

Now I am 25 years old, a single Mommy, back at an LDS school and I feel so different, and often alone because of my situation. As everyone else is flirting and going on dates, I have to think more long term about who I want in my life and potentially in my child's life. How am I supposed to fit a date in with my homework, chores and everything else I have to do. Many times when guys find out that I have a kid they are out of there before I finish my sentence or look at me like, "bummer".

Something very interesting has also happened through all of this, I am now the person people come to when they are having marriage problems... and sometimes I think they are asking for my advice to get divorced. Although I love talking to people and helping them through things I always make one thing very clear. DIVORCE SUCKS! Figure it out if you can, if there is no other option, then do what you have to do, with thoughtful prayer, advice and counseling, BUT FOR THE LOVE, I will not advise you to get divorced, bash your husband or give you my divorce lawyers number. (Again, let me be clear that I LOVE talking to people about their life, and helping talk things out with them!)

I do feel like I have been very blessed through this experience by learning love and compassion for others who deal with similar situations and have learned to not place judgement on others. I have been given this blessing and with that I am here for my friends and loved ones who struggle.

And one last thought... the next time you hear that someone in your neighborhood, ward, work, family etc. is getting divorced, avoid the chatter, and take them a cake. They need love a hug and lots of chocolate.


  1. Beautifully said and I agree...give a hug and a piece of cake. Just by asking "how are you" doesn't mean you will be subjected to the misery means you actually care!

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  3. I have to admit, I'm curious to know what the signs are that a marriage really won't work. Good advice though about the food - I never would have thought of that. I'm not sure how I would react to someone bringing me things as though I'm mourning though. During breakups I definitely prefer the "You can do so much better anyway" pep talk. Marriage dissolving is sadder though, and I'm so much more on alert about my relationship now that a child is involved.

    Keep back to blogging, lady!

  4. Kelli you're such a good writer, you're so genuine, I just love reading your blog. You seem like you're doing great! I think you're such a resilient person, and I can't wait to see you and River again:)

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